so...not gonna lie...

When I look back at my dirty thirty made barely two weeks ago...I'm already sort of disappointed...Make a cross stitch?  Seriously?  Buy a dress?  For real?  I'm really quite upset...I already have plans to up my game for 40...

As for an update, I am beginning my work on my lame-ass dirty thirty.  I downloaded Pride and Prejudice for free on my iPhone through the Kindle app (shameless plug).  I plan to start reading it on the way to the Fabulous Food Show tomorrow.  Also, I have several lovees who are game for spending NYE 2010 into 2011 in NYC.  And, I have someone on the job for a fabulous Dave Matthews pilgrimage. 

What I have learned so far is that you can pick all of the experiences in the world, but they won't necessarily define you.  I think it is the experiences that choose us that define us...I still plan on working my way through the list, mostly because I am looking forward to what comes up along the way more so than checking things off...I'm pretty sure those are the events that will ultimately be far more impactful than anything I could have set out to achieve on my own...So, until then, I'll be hanging out with the chicas of P&P.  Expect an update...But last I remember, I really wanted to punch that Elizabeth Bennet in the face.

things i love thursday

So, in honor of National Blog Posting Month I have (technically) posted every day.  Some days are easier, some days are a struggle...But bestie Meg and I have set out to accomplish this goal.  So thus begins "Things I Love Thursday."  Today's first installment of a thing I love?  Texts From Last Night.

I LOVE TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT.  Identifiable only by area code, TFLN is a collection of reader-submitted text messages that they receive or send in their daily lives.  A significant portion of them involve sexual escapades, alcohol, drugs, or any combination of the three.  The strong majority of contributors are university students living the college dream.  Sometimes the post is an observation, an embarrassing anecdote, a question, or simply giving an update of what is going on.  They can be hilarious, insightful, ignorant, and downright ridiculous, sometimes all at the same time.  You will wish these people were your friends, thank God that they aren't, and wonder if it actually is someone you know posting!

My life has improved even more because there is a TFLN iPhone app.  You can download the "lite" version for free, or, for a mere 99 cents, purchase the full TFLN app.  I highly recommend spending the dollar...You get up to the minute update of submitted text messages, can "favorite" texts that you like best, and directly post from the site to your facebook, blog, or twitter.  You can also follow TFLN on Twitter.  However, you will occasionally now get sponsored advertisements...

TFLN is definitely a Thing That I Love.  It makes me laugh until I cry and I love to share texts with my friends, or learn which texts they find the most hilarious.  A few of my favorites include (with no spelling or grammar corrections made):

(079) I think we need to take a brake
(078) What upsets me the most about that is that you spelled it 'brake'

(770) I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed.  So, then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.

(919) I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking.  I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.

(586) I hate cats.  They're so curious, it's not their damn business.

(225) what day is it and did you see me today?


Come on, at least two of those had to make you laugh!  Check out Texts From Last Night.  You'll be submitting texts in no time!  Or, sort by area code...someone may have already submitted you!

go (el)F yourself

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...I'm not going to lie.  I'm already excited.  I was at the mall with KM today and the tree is already up, there are presents around, and the fake snow is coming in.  I have started my Christmas playlist for the iPod.  First track?  Fairytale of New York by the Pogues, naturally.  It's my favorite Christmas song ever.  Followed by Brick by Ben Folds.  Don't hate.  They are both most certainly Christmas songs. 

But it's not the mall that tells me that it's Christmas.  It isn't even my iPod that dictates.  Oh no, no, my friends.  I know it is Christmas time because...

ELF YOURSELF IS BACK!

Brought to us annually by the amazing people of JibJab and OfficeMax, Elf Yourself is a fantastic opportunity to take pictures of friends, family, pets, etc. and turn them into fantastically cute elves that do delightful dances!  It seriously is the best thing ever.  And a sure sign that Christmas is on the way. 

For your entertainment I am providing you with two videos of my favorite lovees as examples.  It seriously makes me incredibly happy.

The Girls

The Boys

So go check it out, make a few elves, have a laugh.  Go Elf Yourself!

*I was not sponsored by JibJab or OfficeMax when writing this post, nor did I ask permission from any of the people involved to include them :o).

droid rage

I am in a relationship. A very faithful, loyal, codependent relationship. We met back in January. I had been aware of my partner before we met. Even was a little bit of a stalker. And when I finally got my hands on this love of my life, I knew I was never letting go. We're inseparable. We go everywhere together. It's true. I'm in love with my iPhone.

So when the announcements of the new Android phone began coming out, I had to see what the fuss was about. I had left Verizon back in January so that I could consummate my relationship with my iPhone and have never looked back. And even now, I'm not thinking of stepping out on my iPhone, but I have to see what they hype is about. And since one of my lovees, Alicia (see below), has just entered a relationship with her Droid, I feel as a friend I just need to know what is going on.

(Alicia, when she loved me more than she loved her phone...)

Part of why I love my iPhone is that it is an Apple product. I love Apple and all that they do. One of the attractions to the Droid, however, is that it is affiliated with Google, another huge love of my life. It has a camera with a flash and the ability to shoot video...A removable battery...A virtual and a real keyboard...And I am very excited to learn more about the notification system...It quite frankly sounds amazing...

However, there are parts of the Droid that I'm not loving so much...First of all, Verizon has created a marketing campaign that feels very Terminator in nature...Which makes sense as it connect to the name of the phone, etc. (By the way, the logo reminds me of the Texts From Last Night logo, which is interesting...  However, I'm not sure who this campaign is intended to appeal to...It definitely isn't someone like me. I am not in love with the guy that does the phone tour...He sort of reminds me of a poor-man's Neil Patrick Harris...More Barney than Doogie...And again, maybe I'm not the marketing segment that they are going after...I just don't get it. That being said, I can understand how someone like my friend Alicia and other people that I know would be attracted to the marketing campaign. It is very sci-fi, very technical. The iPhone piggybacks off of the concept of Apple's being very user friendly and being almost upbeat in nature. This phone is presented as more serious...Smarter even...Intelligent people choose the Droid while happy people who don't know any better pick the iPhone lol.  And I fully realize that all of my dislikes have very little (if anything) to do with the actual phone...If nothing else, it shows the unlikelihood that someone such as myself would convert to the Droid, but also the need for me to actually experience the phone for myself. 

So we shall see. I look forward to hearing more reviews and opinions on the phone and even getting my hands on one to see what the excitement is all about. But don't worry, my lovee iPhone, I only have eyes for you.

a letter to my godson

Dear Baby O~
I have to tell you, you have been one of the most highly-anticipated events of my life.  Yes, you.  See, your mom and dad are two of my favorite people.  Your mom has always been like a big sister to me.  Growing up I loved spending time with her and your aunt and uncle.  We would have sleepovers, see movies, and even shared birthday parties.  She is someone who I admire so much.  She is hardworking, determined, and loyal.  She sets goals and works very hard to achieve them.  I am so proud of her and the life she has made for herself, and made for you.

I also love your dad very much.  While I haven't known him quite as long as I've known your mom, I just can't imagine life without him.  He has been around since I was in high school.  He is funny, works so hard, and is one of the most kind hearted people that I have ever had the privilege to meet.  And both your mom and dad love you and your sister very much.

One day this summer I went to your mom and dad's house for dinner.  Before I left, your mom asked me to be your godmother.  You have no idea how wonderful these words were to hear!  I couldn't believe it.  I was so honored that they would ask me to play such an important role in your life.  Of course I would be your godmother! 
We thought that maybe you would be born on my birthday...Your sister came early so we thought you might, too.  However, it wasn't in the cards, and on September 17, your mom went into labor.  As soon as I could, I came up to the hospital to spend time with your parents and wait for your arrival.  And just a half hour before your mom's birthday, you came into this world.  And my world has not been the same since.

Like your mom and dad, I have lots of hopes and dreams for you.  First, of course, that you grow up to be happy and healthy and to know how completely loved you are.  I look forward to watching you grow up, to see you learn how to crawl, talk, and walk.  I am curious to see what interests you, what things you will like.  Will you be a sports guy?  Love music?  Be into trucks and cars?  Sadly I cannot help you too much in the trucks and cars department, but if you choose sports or music, I will help you out.  And if it is trucks and cars, I'll learn about that, too.  Whatever you want.  It's your world, Baby O, and I'm honored to be in it.

I am completely in awe of you.  You are such a sweet little love bug of a baby.  I could hold you for hours (and do, especially when no one is around to make me share!).  You hardly ever cry, only when you're hungry or want to be held.  And you are already so attentive and alert.  I try to see you as often as I can, but every time I see you it seems like you've gotten bigger and bigger! 

On Sunday when you were baptized, it was a pretty big day.  Your mom, dad, Uncle Buckeye, and I all promised before God and our family to be there for you, to be present in your life, to be positive and loving forces.  And I'm confident we will all do that.  Your mom and dad love you so much and would do anything for you and your sister.  And you already love your Uncle Buckeye.  The second he held you, you started to smile at him, like you already knew all that he had to teach you!  See, you've got a lot of people that love you.  You were prayed for, hoped for, and loved before you were even here. 

I am so excited for all that is to come for you.  I promise that I will be there for you and help you however I can.  Especially if you go to Bowling Green like me instead of Kent like your parents and godfather.  Just kidding.  I love you unconditionally, without reservation or question.  It's going to be a great life for you, I know it.  I love you and am so blessed to be your godmother!

be still...

It’s a different kind of tick,

And it’s a different kind of tock,

And it’s a different kind of hands,

When it’s God’s time on the clock.

It’s a different kind of will,

And it’s a different kind of way,

And it’s a different kind of clarity,

When your Savior lights your way.


And it might not be what you expected,

And it might not be what you perceived,

But when the time has run its course,

What you have is what you need.


And when your blessings overflow,

And you stand in praise and awe,

Know that His time is best for all,

Be still, know He is God.
 
 
~jak 2k9~

silent saturday

girls night out...see you tomorrow ;o)

funny the way it is

So, as you know, my dad and I went to see Guster last night at the House of Blues in Cleveland. I'm going to be VERY honest with you right now. I was kind of nervous about going to this show. I didn't know if I could handle it. Don't get me wrong, Guster's great and I love my dad, but, well...The last time I was at the House of Blues, I Fell In Love With a Guy. Head over heels, butterflies in my stomach, dangerously in love. And the crazy part was, he fell in love with me, too. At least I think so. And so, I was nervous to be in that place for the first time not only since I fell in love, but also since I was instructed that it would be in my best interest to also fall out of love. So many places in that venue bring back memory after memory after memory. And so, I was pretty nervous to go back. I didn't know what feelings it would bring out or emotions that it would reveal. But it's Guster and it's dad and it's life, so I went.
And to continue with the honesty, it was...interesting. It felt how I remember feeling walking around my childhood home one last time before we moved out. It reminded me of leaving my college dorm room one last time. It was my last night in the fraternity house, walking from room to room, missing all of the life that once inhabited that space. I felt nostalgic, reminiscent, and a little bit empty. I didn't walk around the venue, recreating moments in my head or anything like that. I saw where we stood at the foot of the stairs having our first talk ever, about being Irish, talking about my cousin's wedding and how all the boys wore kilts in honor of his Scottish bride-to-be's heritage. We talked about family, friends, life. I saw where we stood watching the concert at the edge of the pit. I remember standing in front of him, not seeing his face but knowing he was there. Reaching back to hold on to his pocket for safety in the throws of the moshers. I remember where he bought me my first drink, where he kissed me good night after the second show. I saw where his cousin puked his guts out, and the place where I was standing when I realized it wasn't a joke and he actually had peed all over his pants. I wondered how many other people had fallen in love in that place and how their relationships were working out for them. I saw all of those things and just. felt. empty.
And then the concert started. I was there with the man I've loved as long as I've known how to love watching a band I've loved since I was a teenager, and I was full. Full of love for the band, full of love for my dad, full of love for the possibility of all that is to come. Because, yes, that night was amazing and fantastic and life changing in the truest sense of the word. But as Johnny and Ponyboy Curtis and (I guess) Robert Frost say, nothing gold can stay. After all, I wasn't even supposed to really be at the concert that night I fell in love. (Cue Dante in Clerks, "I'm not even supposed to be here today!") I wasn't out to meet anyone that night, I wasn't looking for a relationship, and to be honest, I never thought a boy like that would fall in love with a girl like me (more on that one later). But I was there. And I did fall in love. And so did he. And I continued to love, with all that I was. And, unfortunately, that just wasn't enough (more on that later, too). So you brush it off, find the lesson, and keep on keeping on. Because, really, what else can you do?
That all being said, I am glad that I went tonight. I needed to be in that space and know that it exists no matter what. That I will persevere just as that space does. And if I can find love in that space there along with so many others, love is waiting for me in other places, too. Probably when I least expect it.

me gusta guster

Something that I very clearly remember being present in our home growing up was music.  Music is practically the fourth member of our family.  And while there are particular songs or artists that I associate on a personal level with certain parts of my life, my family and I also share a collective memory of music and the part of our life that it relates to.  For example, Brick by The Ben Folds Five is a song that we listened to over and over again.  Granted, it is one of the saddest songs ever written, and the content of the song was not personally relevant, but it is a beautiful song and Ben is one of our favs.  He is one of the few musicians who my mom will swear with when she sings along.  (James Blunt in Beautiful is one of the others, just for the record.)  In addition to Ben Folds, other family favorites include Barenaked Ladies, Tom Waits, and Cat Stevens.  The three of us definitely all love music.

But two of us (my dad and I) LOVE music.  We have a few bands and artists that we love that my mom may or not particularly love.  For as long as I can remember my dad has introduced me to new artists, taken me to shows, and made music a huge part of my life.  One such band is Guster.  LOVE LOVE LOVE Guster.  Always have.  And when you meet another Guster fan, they LOVE LOVE LOVE them too.  There is no "like" with Guster.  You never hear they're okay.  If you're down with Guster, then you're a fan until the end.

Guster took a brief hiatus to spend some time with family and make some new music but THEY'RE BACK!  See, this is the 10th anniversary of their album Lost and Gone Forever, so they are doing a tour where they will play the album from start to finish, and then (I believe) do a mini show of other material after.  Lost and Gone Forever was released in 1999, the year that I graduated from high school.  I forget who said it, but one of the reviews of the album was that it was "music to hang yourself by."  Unfortunately, I couldn't find a link to that review!  And while the album does not bring about suicidal tendencies for me personally, the album name is definitely not just a clever title.  The music is beautiful, thoughtful, and even haunting.  It is definitely one of my favorites.

So tonight I have a date with my dad to go see Guster at the House of Blues.  We haven't seen them together since their last tour, a little after Christmas 2007.  So I'm pretty stoked.  Well, my family has a tradition of music and my rock & roll daddy and I go see shows together and share bands and music with one another.  What memories do have of your family?  What did/do you and your dad love to do together? 

call me

"Call me." Two very simple words, but an endless possibility of meanings and feelings that they can illicit. If it is written on a cocktail napkin with a phone number and slid across a bar by a cute guy, cue the butterflies in your stomach! If it is left in a cheery, quick voicemail from your bff, you make sure to return the call at your earliest convenience. If your boss leaves you that message you might grow a little nervous that you did something wrong, or be irritated at the micro-managing that is about to ensue...
Today I received a text message that said "Call me." It was sent by my cousin, lovingly called Toots. (Different from my lovee, La, that I got to spend time with last night.) So, up until today, I didn't even think Toots had texting. Toots is the mom of my pseudo-nephew, KM. Remember, only child...My cousins and their kids are my WORLD! So when I get a text message from her saying "call me," my heart sank a little. Was KM okay? Did something happen with her job? Was there bad news? And I don't know why I immediately jumped to the negative, but I did. I began wondering if my boss would let me leave early, calculating how long it would take me to get to KM's daycare if I needed to get him, thinking about how much money I had in savings...I definitely was preparing for the worst as I called her back. And of course, she doesn't answer her cell...So I take the next option and call her work phone. A girl at work answers and says that she is still at lunch. And now I am thinking car accident! I decide to try her cell one more time and she answers. It turns out...
She accidentally sent her entire phone book the same text that she had intended for her husband...I could not have been more relieved! See, she never text messages (and now she claims that this is the reason why she doesn't!) And so, the one time she does, this happens. However, something fantastic and wonderful came from this comedy of errors. She sent this text message completely on accident, simply "call me." And in minutes, call we all did.
Her phone was ringing off the hook. Text messages flying in. Her work phone taking the calls from people in the same frame of mind as myself. Some of us were concerned. Others simply just thought she wanted them to give her a call when they had a sec. But nearly everyone got back to her. Out of support. Out of concern. Out of friendship. Out of love. Without even intending to, Toots had a reminder of just how many people in this world love her and are a simple phone call (or accidental text) away!
As I continue to grow as an adult, I look at the "company that I keep." I try to surround myself with positive, loving people who have my back and whose back I have in return. People to whom I am fiercely loyal and enjoy that same loyalty from. And people who I know will call me when I ask. We all have those friends who are your friend when it is convenient, or when they break up with their boyfriend, or when you have tickets to an event. But when the rubber hits the road and life starts happening, they are suddenly not around. Life is about those "call me" friends. The people that love you, fiercely and without condition. Think about those "call me" people that you have in your life. And maybe give them a call. Or a text ;o).

from the mouths of babes...

Tonight I spent the evening with my cousin, her daughter, and her son (my godson).  Her husband was at the Cavs game with his dad for his birthday, so we got to have some girl time.  Remember how I said that my goals had to be realistic and things that are (in theory) in my control?  Well, if I could make my goals whatever I wanted, I would have my goal be that by the time I am 30 I have a few siblings.  I am the lonely an only child, and always wanted siblings.  Of course, my mom says that if I were to have siblings I would probably hate it.  And maybe she is right, but who knows?  There is something about being a sister to someone, to being an aunt.  I will never get to have those experiences, no matter what goal list I add them to.  But when God wasn't busy giving me siblings, he was definitely giving me amazing cousins.  And an amazing godson.  He certainly does provide!

But while God does provide, He also takes...Sometimes the reasons for both the giving and the taking away are crystal clear.  And sometimes the reasons seem clear as mud.  God might take things away when we are miserable, when we are happy as can be, or when we are simply content.  He might give us things just when we need it, when we think we can't handle anymore, or when we didn't even know we needed it.  It just isn't our call. 

Tonight I was feeding my godson his bottle, and he finished it so quickly!  I couldn't believe how quickly he had eaten nearly 6 ounces.  When I took the empty bottle away and burped him, he began to cry.  I didn't understand why, that was the amount he usually ate to be satisfied.  My cousin did the "finger test" by his face to see if he rooted for more, and found that he seemed to still be hungry.  She prepared him another bottle, but while she was doing so, my godson continued to cry.  I couldn't explain to him that I took the empty bottle away because sucking air would give him a tummy ache, and I couldn't make him understand that his mom was making him another bottle and that everything would be okay soon.  He knew that he was hungry.  Now. 

And that's how it is sometimes with us.  We think God took our bottle away and left us unsatisfied.  We get upset, even angry.  We might even feel so abandoned in our hunger that we cry ourselves to sleep, and even when God comes back with a full bottle, we turn our heads away, sure that we will remain as unsatisfied as we were before.  Sometimes when God takes our heart's desire away, it's because he is preparing for us something more, something better.  And while he is making preparations for us, he is also preparing us for what is to come. 

So, today I give thanks to God.  I give thanks for all that He has given me, for all that He has taken from me, and for all that is to come.  I promise to not grow bitter, to not turn my head.  I will trust, be patient, and have faith.  Because I know that whatever is to come is far better than anything I could have put together on my own.  Who knew that at just over a month old, my godson could be teaching me such amazing lessons...

The Justification of My Dirty Thirty

So coming up with my Dirty Thirty was not a list I created haphazardly. I thought very carefully and considered many options. I wanted my list to be achievable, but remain a challenge. Some also contradict each other...I want to be debt free and move out, but also have quite a bit of travel in mind.  I wanted to include things I have always wanted to do, but also to add things that might take me out of my comfort zone.  After all, things that are easy just never seem worth doing...

All of the tasks on the Dirty Thirty, with the exception of two, are tasks that can be accomplished alone. I need people for a book club, and I can't go away for the weekend with my mom without her! This was very intentional. While I hope that I accomplish all of my goals with a friend or family member by my side, I am learning that it is necessary that I am able to achieve these goals alone as needed. I love the company of others and finding adventures with my friends, however it is important to be self-reliant as well.

Each task is also something that can be accomplished on my own time, in my own time. Some events such as New Years have a very specific time frame of opportunity; however I can take the initiative to plan accordingly. Setting a goal such as getting married would not be something that I can set a time frame for. It was necessary that my goals be something I can manage. This is not in the name of control but rather in the name of realism. There are some events that I can dictate the timeframe of and others that I am happy to hand over to God to handle as He sees fit.

I was also careful to avoid adding tasks that I have already accomplished or am planning on accomplishing. For example, this summer I got my first tattoo. (That story will be shared for sure.) Also, this Sunday I will be becoming a Godmother. I am so excited and consider that event to be one of the greatest honors of my life, but I knew it was coming, and it wasn't something I could make happen, so it wouldn't fall under my definition of a realistic goal. (But that also falls under a story that will be shared!)

The goal that I anticipate taking me out of my comfort zone the most is the fine art class. While I am a "crafty" person, I have never been artistically inclined. I cannot draw or paint well, and have never really explored any media beyond those. I plan on looking into a class on throwing pottery or photography, but maybe I need to throw all caution to the wind and try painting or drawing. I will definitely need to do some investigating!

So what would be in your Dirty Thirty (or Forty or Sixty or whatever!)? What am I missing out on? What goals do you hope to accomplish?

Intro to the Dirty Thirty

The past 8 months of my life have been filled with highs and lows, ups and downs, change and adjustment. In light of all of this chaos, I find that I am desperately in need of a plan. I want some structure. And I want something to work toward.

See, I turned 28 back in September. And while I am not disappointed with my life, things are not how I "expected" them to be. While I do have faith in God that his plans are far greater than my own could ever be, it is difficult at times to not feel discouraged. Because I (am learning to) accept that my will is not always that of God, I am going to try to manage the things that I can control and make sure that I am actually living my life and not dwelling in the "I thought it would be." Because of this, I am sharing with you my Dirty Thirty. These are the 30 things I would like to accomplish before my 30th birthday on September 12, 2011. In between working toward and documenting these achievements, I look forward to other accomplishments that I never even dreamed of working toward that God may have in store for me. That being said:

My Dirty Thirty
1.) Ride a horse.
2.) Skydive.
3.) Ride in a hot air balloon.
4.) Make a donation to my alma mater greater than $500.
5.) Move out.
6.) Acquire my passport.
7.) Get it stamped.
8.) Spend New Years in New York City.
9.) See the Grand Canyon,
10.) Kiss the Blarney Stone.
11.) Learn to knit/crochet.
12.) Make something with said skill.
13.) Make one of the Dave Matthews Band pilgrimages (the Gorge, Red Rocks, Charlottesville)
14.) Get certified in project management.
15.) Read the Bible.
16.) Start a 403B or some other retirement savings plan.
17.) Visit the 4 corners.
18.) Give Pride and Prejudice another chance.
19.) Take golf lessons.
20.) Be debt free.
21.) Read the entire Narnia series.
22.) See a Broadway show.
23.) Take some sort of class that is fine art related.
24.) Take a cooking class.
25.) Go on a weekend trip with my mom.
26.) Visit Cooperstown.
27.) Find the Little Black Dress that I can count on.
28.) Start or join a book club.
29.) Begin and complete a cross stitch.
30.) Find a place to volunteer on a regular basis.

Along the way you will meet the crazy cast of characters that make my life fantastic, stressful, happy, chaotic, and totally worth it. Please join me on this quest for the dirty thirty...We'll see what I accomplish, where I epically fail, and why it's all worth it.

*~Ready or Not~*
JAK