roses are red...

and mojitos have green in them...

girls night out + danny = <3

not feeling it...

so i'll steal it from someone who says it far better than i ever could...


i believe that everything happens for a reason. people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things fall together. 
~ marilyn monroe


and in this i will find solace.

but not a real green dress, that's cruel

going to barenaked ladies with my parents tonight.  saying i'm excited would be an understatement.  we have been following this band as a family since i was a kid.  looking forward to a great night with dan king and sarah (sally)...

why?

as i was running tonight, with my bffs mr. hudson and jay-z, natch, i began writing in my head.  this is definitely not uncommon.  however what followed can best be described as just that.  this is because i began to cry.  i'm not often a crier.  of course, i actually cried twice today, but once was because of a story that my friend amy told me that is a totally different blog altogether...but cry i did. 


people have been asking me why i am running the susan g komen this september.  a lot.  and to be honest, i never really have an answer.  "why not" is actually a common response...but tonight as i was running i began thinking about why i'm doing this.  why ask people for money when times are tough and people are struggling.  why ask people to pray for me when there are many more pressing issues in this world far more in need or worthy of prayer than me running 3 miles.  why ask people to come out and support me when there are a million better things to do on a saturday morning.  and then i realized.  one month from tomorrow i will be waking up and going downtown to run 3.1 miles.  and i know the thoughts that will be going through my head.  i know why i am doing this.

I'm doing it for this little girl.  This sassy, darling, dancing little girl.

I'm doing it for this little girl. This hilarious, sweet, loves to share little girl.

And I'm doing it for this little girl. This smart, creative, loving little girl.

and so that is why i have the courage to ask for donations.  that is why i have the humility to ask for prayers.  and that is why i have the strength to ask for support.  because of these three little girls.  they made me realize how capable i am of loving someone.  how it is possible to care about someone so much more than yourself.  and that it is important to leave the world better than you found it, because someone far more worthy than yourself is going to inherit that world from you some day.  i want these girls to grow up in a world that is safe and filled with the promise of a long, healthy life.  i want cancer to be in the archaic word box with typewriter, the pet rock, and beta.  breast cancer is for the history books, not for these little girls.  and that is why i'm doing what i'm doing.

fear not when, fear not why,

fear not much while we're alive,

life is for living not living up tight,

see ya somewhere up in the sky,

fear not die, i'll be alive for a million years, bye bye,

so not for legends, i'm forever young

my name shall survive

~jay-z, young forever

to support me in the 2010 susan g komen race for the cure, please click here

the grass is (not) always greener

part 1:
the best advice i have ever been given goes this way:

say everyone (at work/in your family/that you're friends with/in the world) sat in a circle.  they were then instructed to throw their biggest problem/burden/struggle into the middle of the circle.  each person is given a chance to see each problem/think about them/ponder them.  then each person is instructed to pick one problem and walk away from the circle with it.  the moral of this anecdote is that, more often than not, everyone will leave the circle carrying the same problem with which they entered the circle.

part 2:
i have found that people in my life either know that i am a very faith-ful person and am both religious and spiritual, or have zero idea that i am this kind of person.  i take responsibility for this.  for as much as my faith is a huge part of my life, i struggle with the charge to go out into the world to create disciples or sharing my faith with people who i do not already know to be like minded.  however, i do work to make God the center of my life, Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, and i do believe  in the life everlasting.  that all being said...

i completely believe in free will.  i think that God knows what decision we are going to make because He knows our hearts, not because he pre-determined it.  also, i think that God knows what we can handle, and what we think we can handle, and He has a penchant for pushing limits.  and that takes me back the moral white elephant gift exchange of sorts from above.  the grass is not necessarily always greener.  and even if it is, it may not be shade of green that suits us best.

the reason why all of those people in that circle walk away with their problems is because, even if they are scary/scandalous/difficult/awful/shameful, they are the problems that we were equipped by God to handle.  they are the proverbial crosses that we were cultivated to carry.  we choose our problems because we've been there, done that, and know we have lived to tell the tale.  the problems that others have, well, we haven't passed that test yet.

and we also only know what we see...a family/relationship/job/situation that may seem like a dream come true on the outside may in actuality be a nightmare.  i have found that there are often two types of people, or at least that people tend to lean toward one way over the other.  there are those who like to keep up appearances with their best foot forward at all times presenting a facade of living the dream whether they actually are or not, and those who like to play the pity card, the woe is me card, the drama card.

i find it interesting the people who are woven into the textile of my life.  i have been blessed to be befriended by fantastically strong, faith-filled, insightful, women who support me in my life, my dreams, my successes, my failures.  conversely, i have been "be-enemied" by women who may be insecure, jealous, malicious, or just plain old bitchy.  i have dated boys who are kind, loving, funny, supportive and intelligent.  conversely, i have dated boys who are liars, cheaters, manipulators, and just plain lazy.  i am sure this cacophony of characters is something that many can relate to...knowing people who we are humbled just by being in the presence of, and people who make us wonder what we did to piss God of so badly that He felt we needed such a force in our worlds...but these people are just the beginning of what equips us to tackle adversity.  in these people we have the experience in facing evil, and the support system to get through it...and so i am grateful for every positive experience that i have had because it keeps me strong.  and i am grateful for every negative experience that i have had because it makes me stronger.

and because of all of this, i'm content on my side of the fence.  more than content.  pleased.  happy.  satisfied.  and i hope that you are, too.

1 Corinthians 10:13 (new international version)

no temptation has seized you except what is common to man. and God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. but when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

verde....

...and rojo, and azul, and amarillo, and blanco...

kellan knows quite a bit of spanish.  the colors listed above his just a portion of his repertoire...he can count and also knows the word for car (coche) and a few others.  i tried to teach him some more while we were together, particularly words for family members and animals.  i don't know how much he retained, but i hope at least a little bit.  i have always loved speaking spanish and have been able to keep a bit of the language in my arsenal.  i am by no means fluent at all, but i think it is important for kids to learn spanish.  and, gosh, they are like sponges.  now is the best time for kel to possibly delve into the world of learning a second language.

my favorite part of him learning spanish is the "spanglish" that he is developing.  while turning the couch into a jeep liberty, and later a ford ranger, he explained that he would need "dos or tres pieces of tape."  at the zoo he told me about the "negro and blanco monkey."  i then tried to add the word mono to his bag of tricks as well.  he is definitely able to integrate his growing vocabulary into his day to day conversations, and it cracks me up.  i also got a kick out of him calling me "tia jessy."  the kid is a riot. a so unbelievably intelligent riot.

his spanglish is especially impressive to me because it shows he knows what the words mean, and that they are for all intents and purposes interchangeable with their english counterparts.  he knows that dos or tres means the same thing as two or three.  it isn't a completely separate entity, or a vocabulary card trick.  he has truly made meaning of knowing these words and has connected them to his world.


kellan is the first kid that as an adult i have gotten to watch grow up first hand.  i am so excited to see how is knowledge base, personality, and general being grows and develops when he begin kindergarten this fall.  but it is hard to believe that kindergarten is around the bend...seems like only yesterday...

then...

and now...

green trees, blue skies, and blue eyes

kellan and i had a fabulous day at the zoo with some of our pals

avocado green

one of my most favorite things in the world is guacamole.  i love to go to a local restaurant called zocalo where they make fresh guacamole, right at your table.  chipotle also has fantastic chips and guacfor me, the spicier the better.  in case you aren't able to make it to zocalo for some custom guacamole, below is my go-to recipe if i'm making guac at home.

• 2 ripened avocados
• 1/4 minced onion
• 1 clove minced garlic
• 1/2 - 1 jalapeño pepper, minced with the seeds removed
• 1/2 Tbsp cilantro chopped
• juice from 1 lime
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/8 tsp freshly grated pepper

cut the avocado in half long ways.  you can either scoop the pit out with a spoon or if you give the pit a good whack with the blade of a knife, it should stick and come right out.  scoop out the avocado mash it down, as chunky or as creamy as you prefer it in a bowl.  add the other ingredients and stir.  you can eat it with tortilla chips, on top of a veggie burger, or on a taco or fajitas.  or anything else, really.  guacamole is just that fantastic.  or, as my good friend backpack says, yum yum yum delicioso!

tractors are red, crops are green

and so our topic for today is tractors.  while this may be a topic that seems (and truly is) outside of my realm of expertise, i do in fact have an opinion.  you see, bowling green, ohio is home to the national tractor pull.  while i have had the privilege of attending this event only once, it was an experience that i will carry with me always.

when i moved to bowling green i fell fast and hard for all things northwest ohio.  i loved the quiet peace that comes from having one's own share of land, i wanted to marry a farmer, and i love me some tractors.  i didn't fall hard for those pretentious green john deere tractors.  no, no, no, crops are green.  tractors need not be green.  in my world, tractors are red.

part of this is influenced by the guidance of one mrs. amy sheldrick, a farmer's wife, and quite frankly, all that i truly aspire to be.  she is a ginger, taboot.  at least her husband says she is.  and quite frankly, i love me some dan sheldrick, and whatever he says is gospel to me.  and this family says tractors are red.

one weekend in august each year, bowling green becomes known as pulltown.  coincidentally, this typically falls on the same weekend as move in for students at bgsu, so the town is doubly infiltrated by outsiders/non-townies.  the tractor pull is truly an unbelievable experience.  there are contests for for 4 and 2-wheel drive, mods, semis, pro stock, etc.  each category has very specific criteria that competitors must subscribe to.  and it truly is an experience.  an unexplainable, fantastic, memorable experience.

a fav red tractor, "never satisfied" 

so while i may not have married a farmer or gotten myself some land, i do love me some national tractor pull.  but i'll cheer for my red tractors, not those stinky green ones, thank you very much.

for more information about the national tractor pull visit the NTPC website.

the bama GREEN project

the bama green project is an environmental philanthropy between reverb, izstyle, and the dave matthews band.  the organization celebrates the environmentally conscious behaviors of dmb members and also serves to educate dmb fans around the world on being green.

at dmb concerts, fans have the opportunity to purchase bama green stickers for $5.  by taking the sticker to the bama green tent inside the venue, fans are able to receive a free water bottle and either coupon for a free burrito or for free ben and jerry's ice cream.  throughout the venue are several brita water filter stations where fans are able to refill their water bottles with clean, fresh, filtered water.  there is also information available at the tent about being more environmentally conscious, from supplying information on recycling to encouraging fans to carpool to shows.

the band is also taking steps to reduce their own carbon footprint.  band members drink from reusable water bottles, promote recycling and waste reduction, and use biodiesel fueling on all of their tour buses.  many t-shirts and other merchandise is made of organic cotton and even recycled materials.  according to the reverb.org website, "dmb fans neutralized over 4.8 million pounds of co2" simply by carpooling to shows and recycling cell phones.

for more information about this effort, visit the bama project.

bowling GREEN

so there are a few places in my life that i hold in the highest of esteem.  my short list of favorites include santa monica ca, savannah ga, and nashville tn.  these are places that i have visited for short periods of time and felt a connection to.  i have enjoyed my time there, continued to follow what goes on in those places, and look forward to one day returning.  there is, however, one place that i thought i would be visiting for a short period of time and ended up staying.  and staying again.  this place truly feels like home to me.  i get nostalgic when i think about it, teary when i talk about it, and emotional when i write about it.  this place is bowling green oh.

leon bibb, the celebrated cleveland news anchor, bowling green alum, and former trustee of the university once said, "my life really began anew at the age of 17 when i came to this plot of land called bowling green."  and, quite frankly, i couldn't agree more.  i, too, was a kid of 17 when i first came to bgsu.  and i have never been the same.  in bowling green i found a second home, a second family, and friends that i will treasure always.

i arrived at bowling green a spanish major, confident that i would one day work for major league baseball teaching all of the spanish-speaking players english.  i often shared an anecdote about julian tavarez, a one-time cleveland indian who ate only chicken for an extensive period of time because this was the one of the few english words he knew.  i was excited about this vocation.  i had plans of learning other languages, finding ways to cross cultures and change the world through language and communication.  however, per usual, another plan existed, one far better than my own could ever have been.

and it was all up hill from there.  i became a journalism major, a resident advisor, and a falcon for life.  i stayed on at bowling green for two masters degrees in addition to my undergraduate degree.  i was a house mom for delta tau delta fraternity, active in dance marathon, and held an internship at the wellness connection that remains one of the most important parts of my life, mostly because of the life lessons i learned and the life-long friendships that i made, in addition to the professional experience.

i still go back to bowling green from time to time.  it used to be difficult.  i think that was because i did not feel like i found where i fit into the world outside of bowling green.  to go back was to belong.  and to leave was to feel out of place.  but now i am able to go back and feel happy, safe, and enjoy the memories that i am surrounded by.

often when i go into town i do my trip down memory lane.  i will drive past kreischer where i lived my sophomore, junior, and senior years as a resident advisor.  i will then drive past mcdonald, my freshman year res hall.  i will loop down south college past a house i lived in for two years, and then drive down clough past the fraternity house.  i like to walk around campus.  walk through the library to see if the kids working the desk are doing their jobs properly.  go through the union and see what art work is on display and if there are any new hoodies in the bookstore.  i love to have lunch at el zarape or take some pollyeyes breadsticks home for my family.

campus has changed a lot since i left.  saddlemire, the big round building, is no longer.  rodgers hall has since been torn down, and i have heard that mcdonald is also slated for demolition down the road.  there will be a new basketball arena, new residence halls, and new academic buildings.  and while it makes me sad that i won't have that same familiarity with the campus, it makes me proud because my university is growing, needs additional space, and has the funding to do that.

i wish that everyone could be so fortunate to have such a positive university experience.  to find a place that just clicked.  i loved, learned, and lost while there.  i was challenged and changed, hurt and healed while i was there.  there are many places that i have enjoyed visiting, but in bowling green i indeed found a second home.

alma mater, hear us,

as we praise thy name,

make us worthy sons and daughters

adding to thy fame.

time will treat you kindly,

years from now you'll be

ever dearer in our hearts,

our university.

from your halls of ivy,

to the campus scene,

chimes ring out with gladness

for our dear bowling green.

when all is just a mem'ry

of the bygone days,

hear our hymn, dear alma mater, 

as thy name we praise.

jaded

in a former life i dated a boy who was obsessed with songs that had the word "jaded" in them.  he had a laundry list.  a top fav was runaway train by soul asylum.  jaded, by aerosmith, an obvious choice, was not found on his list of loves.  i'm not sure what his fascination was with the word, but he loved it.  and nearly 10 years after the demise of our relationship, every time i hear the word i think of him.

per the good people of the freedictionary.com, jaded means the following:

jad·ed  (jdd) adj.

1. Worn out; wearied: "My father's words had left me jaded and depressed" (William Styron).

2. Dulled by surfeit; sated: "the sickeningly sweet life of the amoral, jaded, bored upper classes" (John Simon).

3. Cynically or pretentiously callous.

i find this fantastic because i left the relationship feeling pretty jaded.  i was worn out.  wearied.  i was dulled.  callous and cynical.  i'm not anymore.  at least not in context to the relationship.  time has a funny way of easing the pain, dulling the memory, reinvigorating belief in love and positive relationships.  but, for awhile, jaded i was.  

after extensive research a google search, i have found that there seems to be no connection between the word jaded in the context above and the stone jade, which is green.  this is unfortunate because i was really hoping that there was.  however, the post began before the research, as all good dissertations do, and so on i will continue.

what takes you back to a past relationship, romantic or otherwise?  we all have our triggers.  i have been told on numerous occasions that don't stop believing specifically and journey as a whole often serve as reminders of me, as does dave matthews.  there are places, songs, movies, scents that will inextricably link my mind to specific people until my memory is no longer.  music is by far the greatest trigger in my life.  i sometimes pretend feel like there is a soundtrack to my life.  

and it is difficult, because i do not necessarily believe that these connections serve some hidden deep agenda of perpetual love, involvement, or association.  but the mind is an insane thing that way.  who knows what can jog the memory and what that memory will be of!  and for every memory like this that we have of others, there is a memory someone has of us.  a little awkward, a little comforting.  this is one of the things i enjoy most about relationships and communication...the constant reciprocation of impact and influence.  for better or for worse.  i have learned more from relationships that i have been involved in about what i do NOT want than what i actually DO hope to experience in future relationships.  and that's okay by me...a lesson is still learned, impact is felt, and the experience is worth it.  and as a really smart kid once told me, the juice is worth the squeeze...all the hurt, all the happiness, all love, all the passion, all the anger, all the laughs...it's all worth it because it brings you to where you are in the present...so while i don't love the fact that words, songs, etc.  remind me of people that i don't necessarily want to think about, they brought me to where i am today.  and that juice is definitely worth the squeeze.  and it is nothing to be jaded about at all.

green...wicked green...

so nablopomo's theme for august is green, and i'm pretty stoked about that fact.  i feel inspired, excited, and full of ideas.  let's hope that momentum continues as the month progresses!

the first thing i think of when i think of green is the show wicked, as i saw it last night with my cousin carron.  (you know, green like the wicked witch, natch!)  we saw it at the beautiful ohio theater in columbus.  i tried to read the novel that the show is based on a few years back but was not able to get through it.  i have also been hearing rave reviews of the show for years.  i am a total wizard of oz girl, and just as much a theater girl, and had i expectations for the show.  i walked in with a fairly strong familiarity with much of the show's music and enough of an idea of the show to be prepared, but not so familiar where i knew exactly what to expect.  i will admit my expectations were high.  i know people who have seen it multiple times and who count it among their favorite shows ever.  i was confident i would quickly enter these same ranks.

and, sadly, i did not.  and, confusingly, i'm not sure why.

*SPOILER ALERT*

i really enjoyed the concept and found it very clever.  i'm a big fan of second chances and truly getting to know someone to better understand why they might behave the way that they do.  i think it was great to give the wicked witch a story, to make her seem more, well, human.  i enjoyed seeing how the cowardly lion came to be, and was proud of myself to "call" the evolution of the tin man.  i found it very cute that the witch and her man made of straw were able to come up with a scheme to save her life and share their lives together.  i loved GAlinda.  i thought she was cute and funny and fabulous.  i guess it was the stuff in the middle that got me down.  and, to be honest, the stuff in the middle was the stuff i wasn't familiar with. 

i know defying gravity, popular, and for good.  and for the most part i enjoyed how they were performed.  there were some stumbled lines, a few breathy lyrics, some notes cut short...but overall the singing was fine.  maybe my problem was being too familiar with these show stoppers and not familiar enough with the others.  after all, not all the songs can be winners...

i think a big struggle that i had was how the original oz was integrated in.  i wasn't able to accept some of the changes or connections that were made because they simply were not feasible.  (fantastic that in a story of fantasy i can't take a leap of faith, right!?)  the ideas were clever and well integrated, however they simply did not follow the timeline or the back stories integrated into the original oz, particularly the stories of the tin man and the scarecrow.  

i did enjoy the way that the silver/ruby slippers were brought into the story, as well as the ironic relationship between the wizard and elphaba.  but it's too bad that elphaba had to fake her own death and run away.  i mean, the girl had good ideas.  she wasn't afraid to rage against the machine and speak out.  but instead of continuing to fight for what is right, she ran away with her man to hide out for the rest of her life.  i guess i'm bummed that this show of fantasy had a truly honest and realistic ending.  if you're different, give up trying to change the world or make a difference.  instead, find someone you love who loves you back, and go hide out.  cause people are mean and judgmental and once someone has an agenda against you, it is unlikely that it will be put to rest unless it is because he or she was successful at said agenda.  i wish that elphaba could have made them realize that she was a good person, just misunderstood, and use her uniqueness to promote tolerance and understanding.  

overall, though, the show was good.  i was definitely in the unimpressed minority.  i really do think that a good portion of this is due to the fact that it was so unbelievably hyped up to me and i was told up and down how much i would love Love LOVE it.  also, once i found out that joey mcintyre and rue mcclanahan have appeared in wicked, and of course idina menzel originated the role of elphaba, i would like to see it again down the road and see how it is the second time around.  i would encourage anyone to see it who has the opportunity to do so.  and hopefully it will be more popular with you than it was with me!